A Lament on Good Friday

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John 17:18-19      18 As you sent me into the world, so I have sent them into the world. 19 I made myself holy on their behalf so that they also would be made holy in the truth.
[Scripture taken from the Common English Bible®, CEB® Copyright © 2010, 2011 by Common English Bible.Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.]

My Prayer (a lament)

O, Yeshua,
   your words fill me with awe, excitement;
   the impending cross, anguish 
      and also with deep disappointment with myself

I have spent a good portion of my life
   attending to your call, your insistence.

My problem has been that I have treated you
   less like an insistence that echoes
      and continues to reverberate
         within my inward being
   and more like an invitation,
      received in the mail
to which I haven’t yet RSVPed.

The projectile of your insistence
   nails me to the cross of reality
the moans and cries of the marginalized
   keep me awake at night
the screams of the tortured
   continue to echo through the recesses of my being

I want
   to be an insurrectionist
      for the Commonwealth of Peace and Justice
   to be a follower of Yeshua
      in the active voice
to be a tree
   that bears in season
   the fresh fruit of compassion, peace, and justice
to be an agent
   in whose footsteps
   the presence of God is experienced.

I want…
   I wish…
      I hope…
but Yeshua’s question to me
   is simply “Do you do?”

Sometimes the knife-edge
   between memory and promise
   between spooking and insisting
   between past and future
   between life and death…
sometimes that knife-edge
   cuts deeply into the soul;
   and cut,
      I bleed!

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